Serves 2. Active time: 10 min. Cooking time: 55 days
Ingredients for Confinement Loaf
100 crumpled attestations
100 crumbs of the pages of the book you read too many times
2 squares of minced TP because that’s all you have
10 used paper masks, thinly sliced
2 pairs of worn out rubber gloves, naturally shredded
a pinch of the hair you cut yourself
1 empty gel bottle, finely chopped
Mix all ingredients thoroughly in a large bowl. Form into a loaf with sore-from-clapping-chapped hands. Garnish with a cloth mask that needs disinfecting (since one of the suggested germ-killing options is putting them in the oven!).
Put the loaf in the oven at 60° C – the ideal temp for that mask. Let cook for 55 days, then on May 11, sprinkle on as many hashtags as you can find, take a photo and post on Instagram before gleefully dumping this unpalatable loaf in the trash!
PS: Can also be made as a stew if you dare to spare liquid soap and hot water!
PPS: I hope I don’t really have to say this, but… DON’T really try to make a Confinement Loaf or stew. Like drinking disinfectant it is NOT a good idea. Two more tongue in cheek article you might enjoy.